Thursday, June 14, 2007

Radical Recline

this is where i'm at.

i just realized upon waking up this morning that i've somehow managed to overcome the most intense opposition this year, and i'm still here.
i faced an injury that not only plagued me with incredible physical pain but also stuck a dagger into my ability to do normal 'guy' stuff.
i had a GPA lower than my blood alcohol level that nearly cost me my leadership positions
i bounced my first check in three years and now they won't even take my cash
i found out which was more powerful: 10 vicadin, or 10 perkaset,
i experienced what real rejection tasted like, and hated it.
i experienced what real love tasted like, and loved it.
i found my true self amidst all this.
it's never as bad as it seems,
believe me.

i grew in some areas that i never thought i would. i learned some hard lessons i wish i'd never had to. i felt some emotions i never knew existed. all the while i still saw the beauty in God, the grace in Christ, and the freedom in being myself. despite my inadequacies i know i'm true-to-myself, i am exactly what i was meant to be. free.
i found passion in the simple and veered clear of complexity. i searched for
truth in all the wrong places. i found love in all the right places. i noticed the small things
and ignored the big ones. i paid my taxes cause' i had to. i called my mom because i wanted to.
i played my guitar until my fingers bled. i listened to friends sing until my ears bled.
i bought more coffee then i needed to. i spent more money then i should have. i don't
regret it one bit. my checkbook does though.
i failed tests and aced papers. i aced socially and failed emotionally. i caught a cold. i lost an iPod. i gave some money. i found some change. i trimmed off some pounds. i put some back on. i think most of them are still gone. i got a flat tire. its still flat. i bought a flannel shirt. i wear it often. it's flannel, why wouldn't i wear it often?
This School Year
I went to camp Niko. I was a total freak-o.
I eat crackers and soup and whined the whole time.
i was hungry and cranky so far from sublime.
I jogged I ran I sprinted and strained.
I slaughtered something and to my stomach I gained.
I was vice president and i served faithfully,
those around campus treated me reverently.
i laughed on the outside and cried in the inner,
i was loved by others but my heart it quivered,
a lack of stability caused my emotions to be shaken,
more time in prayer i should have taken.
No regrets though when looking back at this all,
I was diligent in my duties winter, spring, and fall.
I tried vigorously to please those in the majority,
but in the end was a spokesperson for the minority.
I knew where i was going but was lost all the time,
thanks to my friends i still have my mind.
As this season of my life wraps up is gone,
i know now i have power to push forward and move on.
when the call comes next to step up and to serve,
i have confidence in my ability to stand up and be heard.
a quiet voice amongst the loud may be overtaken,
but a heart to love will never be mistaken.
ah. that was fun. if this bored you, good. if this didn't bore you, great. if you don't care, then either do i.