comedy; not just a laughin matter

I'm not sure what I was expecting when I decided that I was going to go full-force toward a career in comedy. I know I came to the realization that nothing else in life was going to satisfy my deep need to divulge therapeutic comedy via a life full of tragedy and awkwardness. I had a strong feeling that by unveiling the comedic intentions deep within that things would get irreversibly more complicated. And, well, to say the least, they have. I suppose its a natural cause of action for a comedian-have an insane life-uncover what it means-tell others about it-repeat as often as necessary. I guess just making people laugh is seemingly so arbitrary; the real power is found in the juxtaposition of laughter and tragedy.

I've always laughed at life's trials. Laughed out of joy, out of pain, out of minor-hysteria. I've found with surgical precision routes to my own pain and attempted vigorously to line them with humor. Comedy is so utterly-revealing and allows comedians to be systematically peeled back like an onion. Each layer being exposed fully for what it is, and for what it is lacking. Each joke inching closer and closer to the vest.

As this life in comedy progresses I begin understanding at a deeper level how we as human beings adjust to life and all its beautiful complexities. We aren't so different then those in the animal kingdom, we have defense mechanisms. Some of those we are born with and others we've added to our arsenal to remove us from possible exposure to the elements-whether that be mother nature or mother in law.

I've always been able to judge life based on the results. I've made my life more about the external success then the internal progress. The tangibility of forward momentum has always been the highly-palatable desire I've ran after. However, comedy is so unorthodox in its revealing of self that I've been abruptly taken aback by it.

Comedy gives me the sensation of being in a dream, trying to run but not being able to move; which, is actually how it feels like in real life for me. However, you get the point. No matter how many times I drag this cheap bic pen across the lines I cannot by will or by force make good humor. I can create potential laughs. However, raw and unadulterated humor, insightful comedic brilliance isn't forced, or willed into existence, it just comes when it comes.

The most incredible feeling I've ever experience next to beating CONTRA (without cheats), is writing and performing comedy. Their is most assuredly no greater sensation in all of existence. Even bombing is an out of this world experience. Nothing compares. The hi's and low's are at such great extremes its mind boggling. This is why comedians are either in Blockbuster hits spread all across the TV, or suicide victims spread across the morning paper. I am thoroughly convinced that finding balance and control of the reality that some days are great, others are terrible, is what makes a good comedian great.

I am enjoying this process and am insanely thankful for the progress thus far...