Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The attrition of absentness

My seemingly unending battle against inactivity of the internal has apparently ended. I didn't notice it when it happened; but it did.

What in the world am I talking about? Well, I normally blog a few times a month and have failed to do so for over two-months now and it's felt great. I still journal like a paper-addict but have spent less and less time as of lately attempting to put together any sort of formidable piece of literary genius (not that I ever have).

The first term of my Senior year here at Eugene Bible College has been a real Cinderella story. By real I mean 'immense-dismay' and by Cinderella I mean 'slippers-of-glass-and-tacks'. I had prayed and prayed (not to overspiritualize) and prayed for an incredible year filled with joy and prosperity and I wouldn't exactly define my Fall term that way. However, amidst the chaos and confusion and calamity I found something I had been long-looking for; myself.

In this looking-glass-self generation it is not much of stretch for us to look within ourselves to find sought after answers to the deepest human questions. For one reason or another philosophers and great thinkers of old have convinced through the textbooks of our colleges and blogspots of Al Gore's World Wide Web to pollute the internal-processes within us to buying into a conceptual fallacy; this being that truth is an 'inward' product. If this by default is true than truth is relative, and if we are referring to absolute truth, it cannot be relative?

So, in a culture of universalistic theologies popping up faster than Starbucks in Seattle how do we discover ourselves? Do we Google our inner-depths to search for the answers to the poking and prodding discontent that leaves us so unfulfilled and dissatisfied. To step outside the normative has been the only remedy that I've found to truly fix the corrupted elements of my thought processes. Often times this "stepping outside the norm" is not an optional expression of dire need to change, its a strategically guided action by the crafter and creator of the Universe in which you and I dwell within.

Jesus Christ Himself was 'led' into the Garden to pray to the Father before he was captured and made to carry His own cross up the hill to His own crucification. He also was 'led' into the wilderness where for 40-days and 40-nights he went without food, only to be tempted by the enemy at the end. So, this 'finding' of 'myself' has little to do with me in the end. I have, stumbled intentionally (paradox) into a mere-glimpse of the nature and purpose of who I am. This is not who I am alone, it's who I am in the lense of who He is.

"He who says he abides in Him ought to Himself walk just as He walked..." 1 John 2:6

This verse has been such a tangible-truth and a genuine source of energy for me for years becuase of the very words found within it, the beatiful simplicity, the hidden gems amidst those 15 words is unfathomable. I need to 'walk' as 'He' walked. Step-by-step in faith, mile after mile soaked in grace and repentance, never abandoning the understanding of how deep the Father's love for me truly is. I found myself recently because I'm learning more and more to understand how knowing Christ and the power of His resurrection is the only gateway through the threshold of lies that have been set before us as Children of the Most High.

It's not overspiritualizing to say that this is battle. It is however, if we say that this battle requires us to be on the offensive the whole time. I am learning to defend the simple and unequivocally valuable truths that God has instilled into my very being. To know in faith and trust by grace that God has the best plan for me is something that I truly do 'battle' with on a day to day basis.

Wow. That was a lot. I don't know if this makes sense to you but it's completely where I'm at. It's not meant to confuse its merely for the purpose of realizing that self-examination on the deepest parts of our being will only be fruitful when we do such with the focal-belief that He is all that we are not.