familial familiarity

I don't miss a lot of things in life. I have grown in the past few years to a strong affinity of letting the past go and pressing onward towards the future. However, one thing that you never forget and always have (whether biological or non) is family. It's that one thing that as humans we don't live well without; we can surely live, but not well. Everyone who values family knows that it is always an "as-is" approach to the relational understanding of family; you take your family "as-is".

Donald Rumsfield once said this, "You don't go to war with the army you want, you go to war with the army you've got..." That's how I see family. You don't necessarily grow up with the family you want, you grow up with the family you've got. Now, I'm not saying anything negative about my family; the opposite is truer. I am simply stating that their is probably not one of us that sees our family as 'perfect'. We've all got a crazy aunt, or a drunkard cousin, heck, I've got an Aunt Mike (don't ask)

Our families often time define us; but not always. Many of us, for good or for bad, can claim to be products of our environments. We can hide behind the sins of our fathers for generations and generations. People can justify horrific things by boldly proclaiming their lack of love as a child; they weren't held enough, beaten daily by an abusive father, touched by an uncle, etc. We see it all day every day in media and in societal structures everywhere. People are constantly looking for justification for wrong doings and looking at the family upbringing as the answer to their questions.

Our families are meant to be a pivotal instrument used to build a firm-understanding and obedient recognition of not simply what 'love' is, but how to use it. However, due to a sincere lack of personal responsibility our culture has turned families into a scape-goat for the wacko's and an irrelevancy for the normal Joe's. I vehemently disagree with this modern thought of families and would encourage you to fight it as well; not just in blogs, but in your minds.

I don't look back at the hallway of pictures of my life and see a family of five with a dog, picket fence, and a sweet mini-van. I look at my past and I see a mother who was far from my heart, even further from my eyes. I see a father who was the best thing that ever happened to me; a man who worked harder than work itself. A sister, two years older than I, struggled through every minute of her teen years; constantly and consistently fighting the pain of lacking a mothers love. A strong cast of characters in my family is what I see in the portraits of my past.

It's like a long successful marriage, all the good bad, bad, and ugly are part of the deal. Family, it can be good, it can be bad, and it can get ugly. However, we don't forsake that which created us in the fashion we are; taught us nearly everything we know about life. I can only attribute the good to my family; however unconventional it is. Growing up with a hard-working single father makes more a man out of you than most things ever could; the life perspective is so different than the majority. I remember although we fought daily, my sister, in all her grief and struggles, was always there for me. We all fought our addictions. We all fought our pain. But, most importantly, we all fought together.

It wasn't until after my sister ran away, my father passed away, and my addictions took me away that I started to realize that life without family isn't life; and if it is, it's hell on earth. I gave up on my family for a while after I lost my dad. I think I didn't know how to face them; I had no solution to the sorrow. I really wanted with everything inside of me to be strong; be a support system to them. I wanted to be the backbone but I was spineless. An incredible uncle and aunt who would have done anything for me; I just left them hanging in the balance; drowning in their dire uncertainties about my potential recovery.

Life without family; isn't. Even when you think you've left everything and everyone behind you, all it takes is turning around to realize they're still there. Nothing in life, not pain, not troubles, not strife, not family, nothing just 'disappears'. It's always there; ready to take you back, ready to take you over, in due time if you let it/them. I chose to run to my family after running from them; it's not like a Maury Povich reunion episode, nor is it like a story of the Prodigal Son. It's so much simpler then it's made out to be; it's normal, it's natural, when your family it's expected.

I am an open book when it comes to my life. I love to share the amazing story of redemption in my life. I am honored to be able to be a walking story of grace and favor; fortunate to be where I'm at, even if that is 'nowhere' according to some. I have so many friends with awesome parents--people who will never know what they have until it's gone. Family isn't something we should take so lightly. I have been given an awesome family; awesome under what category? Under everyone I think. My family extends far beyond biological connectedness, far beyond a simple similarity-in-name, way past just a geographical placement.

If you've been family to me in any fashion ever than you're a part of me and I thank you for everything. Thank you, wherever your at, whatever your doing, whomever your with. I know that in my life when I look back I'll be able to count on one hand the people I would die for, but couldn't count on one-hundred-hands the people who have helped me live.

Thanks for reading my scattered and often times unending-disorganized thoughts on family and what it means to me...