Sunday, November 07, 2010

clawing back. climbing in.


Sometimes I drive home late at night, cheap .50 cent cigar hanging from my mouth, windows down, just blasting whatever the radio has on, just caught in thought. I wonder and ponder about times that have been better, times that have been worse, and try to stretch myself to understand that better days will come. When things are good we want to be excited. Also, in return, when things are bad we want to be sad.

However, I'm not entirely convinced that's the nature of the beast; I really want to believe that the opposite is truer. That, in spite of trials, being positive and optimistic is really the only antidote for fighting the pain and misery. When depression rears it's ugly head often times our only way to successfully thwart it is to be honest with it; who are we? What do we have within us? What have we overcome?

I can't speak for the majority nor can I give you a 5-step-path-to-success or tell you how to overcome your trials and troubles. Although, I can most assuredly say to you that dwelling your weakness and throwing pity parties isn't gonna expunge your grief; it will only expedite it to greater depths, lower lows. How do I know? Because I have done it, and every now and then still slip into those horrific patterns; seldom, but it does occur.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that I've been poorer than poor for a long time; financially speaking that is. I always come to that unique and pivotal point of rebuilding right before another crash. It's a pattern but its not habitual. According to wise counsel and internal consideration; I truly don't feel it's something I've caused. I've worked hard, but maybe I haven't always worked smart. I used to think that hard work could get you the response you wanted in life; and I'm much more convinced now that smart work is the only way to get ahead.

What I mean is this. You can work 85-90 hours a week at just any job to pay the bills; or you can work 1 solid job and make the same amount of money. However, you can't find that one solid job while working those 90 hours a week at dead-end-jobs. So, what is the key? Patience!!! What I'm learning in life right now is that nothing comes at the pace we desire it; all good things take time. Money, family, careers, experience, etc. Nothing that helps, nothing that is good, none of these things come without a little hard work; without patience.

So, I sit here in Starbucks typing away, thinking about the mistakes I've made and how to grow. The failures I've had an how I plan on making the necessary changes for good. I know that every-night I drive home from my job saddened by the lack of finances, every time I look in the mirror and don't see the person I want to see, every time I chose despair over hope I will end up emptier than before. So, I chose to choose hope over fear, optimism over pessimism, and faith over the lack thereof. I pray that I grow stronger everyday and make the necessary corrections to live a life that is worth talking about in a blog like this; consistently combating the bad to overcome it with good.

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