Over the Hurdle & Into the Fire

This blog title is somewhat deceptive, as are all the rest of them. However, this one more so because all those who know me know their is no way in Heaven (or Hell) that I intend on jumping hurdles. So, since we've got that out in the open I guess I can continue with this blog.

I feel as if I'm in that uniquely uncomfortable formidable place in life where I'm beginning to, for the first time in years, cross the pinnacle of stress and unknown to more comfortability (fake word) and certainty. Being hired on serving tables at a steakhouse may be some people's low at the age of 25 (in possession of 1 1/2 college degrees), however, for me, it's a definite high. Finally, I have a job that guarantees a paycheck and promises some continuity; something I've been missing for a long, long, long time.

Now granted, I haven't quit working since I was 16 years-old. When my dad passed away "not" working was never an option; mainly because I liked to have a place to live and food to eat. Those two wants, some would consider needs, had to be met. However, I heard the quote one time, "work smart, not hard." and it really hit me. It is NOT saying that you shouldn't work 'hard', it's just saying that you should do it 'smart.'

I think I've always been a slave to quick money. A fool for the chance to make some money. I guess I'm a product of scratch tickets and childhood neighbors who spent their tax returns on lotto tickets; praying one day would be there lucky day. I used to steal a lot of sports cards from the Circle K when I was a kid; unbenownst to my father of course. I think I used to do this because even though I had the money, it was easier to take the cards and not pay.

As a kid I would commonly take the easy way out. I think I did that until I lost my dad. After that tragedy I realized that life wasn't a place where an easy way out was an option; even suicide, which I considered after losing my dad, was still the 'hard' way out. Perhaps a perpetual conceptual process that always searched for quick money, shortcuts, and riches was what had led me down so many crooked paths and unforgiving roads. I guess somewhere along the line I learned that quick money, isn't. Shortcuts take longer. And riches are only for the people on the E channel specials.

High School was like a free ice skating lesson. It didn't cost me anything and even though I fell a hundred times, I didn't get disqualified or removed. I just ended up with a lot of bruises. I learned a lot about work in high school though; I found out what it was like to stick to something. I learned how to not quit. I also learned that life is better lived through a lens of opportunity that one of oppression. I also realized that I was good with the guys, bad with the girls, yet surprisingly "not" gay; despite contrary belief. (insert laugh here).

College was a great 6 1/2 years. And no, I didn't finish grad school. You can figure out the math on your free time, but for now, just focus. I started out at Spokane Falls Community College which according to recent reports and first-hand-experience is pretty much like any other average minimum-security-corrections-facility. You've got your various races that stick together; nerds, jocks, rockers, thugs, etc. It's dangerous to stare anyone in the eye; especially the kids who still have hand-held cassette players with ACDC tapes in side; obviously, at this juncture, you begin to realize if they still have that, they don't have anything to lose.

I did however nearly earn an Associates Degree at Community College before I flunked out for plagiarism; yes, definitely not a highlight of my academic career. However, their is some justification for that occurrence but I'll avoid going into it; it was certainly more of a misunderstanding that a blatant cheat. Anywho, after serving two years at SFCC (you'd think the CC stood for Correction Center?) I transferred to Eugene Bible College in Beautiful, and liberal, Eugene, Oregon.

I learned a lot in Eugene about who I was as a person. As both a human, and as a believer, I discovered a lot about what I really believed; and even more about what I didn't believe. I found out that I had the ability (innability?) to remain inevitably and foreverly' (another fake word) single. I realized that although I enjoyed reading and writing, I didn't enjoy barking and yelling. Those are just the kinds of things you learn when you go to a Pentecostal college. However, most importantly I learned how much work it takes to get a college degree. I found out first-hand the reality of how much sacrifice it really takes to finish anything in life.

So, here I am, in California for officially one year as of last month. It has been the biggest sacrifice I've ever had to make. Forsaking every level of comfort and exchanging it for the excitement and danger of the utter-unknown. It has bent every single linear thought I've had about how life is suppose to work; leaving me to second-guess everything I thought I knew about myself. I couldn't be happier.

I've gone from a 93' Buick grandma mobile to an 02' silver mom wagon. I've transitioned from playing poker all day every day for 6 months to spending a year at the beck and call of "the man." Doing whatever, whenever, just to stay above the water; attempting vigorously to not drown amidst a sea of debts and obligations. Blockbuster and Starbucks consumed much of my life for the greater half of my first year in California. I've never worked harder and longer than when I was rocking the 4am til 11am and 4pm til midnight; same day, often back to back. It was the crunch that I needed. It was the test I'd been preparing for.

Various other business endeavors have led me to where I am today. Typing away at Starbucks about what I've learned. I've grown a lot mentally, and sadly, physically in this past year of triumphs and trials', failures and successes. I am thankful for life that I have breath in my body to be able to talk about what I've learned; but more so, thankful for the opportunity to keep learning. Keep choosing the difficult path to success.

I learned a lot as a kid that has been ever since revoked through a vast multiplicity of mishaps. I found out that sometimes the only way to gain is to lose. The only way to know how to win is to lose. And most importantly, to relish the failures and embellish the successes.

That blog was a mouthful of unorganized thoughts...thanks for reading.