Latitant Love

I woke up this morning to the intrusive beams of beautiful California Winter lights protruding through the openings of the blinds; exposing the darkness of the room with the presence of light. Rolling around on the bed getting lost in down-comforters just avoiding need to arise so early.
Battling physically and internally arguing mentally the idea of getting out of this castle of comfort; why does sleep have to feel so good? You know what I love? I love the feeling of waking up and going back to sleep, that's what I love.


Oh, and I love lamp. Love is an interesting concept that is so multifaceted it wouldn't make sense attempting to discover or uncover it past the surface level in a single-blog. Love is defined in so many ways, here are a few, "... a passionate affection, warm personal attachment, strong predilection, enthusiasm, embrace, infused tenderness, etc..." Love varies according to the source, the object, the situation, the motives, and many other variables. Love isn't as cut and dry as hate; that's why they are, in essence, diametrically opposed. Martin Luther King had this to say about love and hate: "Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."

Being a single man its not easy to be a beneficiary of love; outside of family and friends. Romance is like algebra to a single man; we've read about it, studied it, but still don't know have a clue about how the hell it works. I've heard it's 50% brain, 50% heart, and the other 20% luck. But, on a mathematics level that just seems off, theirs 10% not accounted for? Right? I like romantic comedies just like nerds like Magic the Gathering; its all fantasy, fiction, far-removed from reality to me. I used to be insanely optimistic but now I'm happily realistic. Mark Twain said, "...when you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain..." So, I don't use my brain and all anymore. (joke)

I love talking about being single because it will be great ammo for my future wife to use against me; and I'm sure that so many of these horrifically inaccurate presumptions will be addressed sooner than later, through trial & error. I get a plethora of opportunistic exposures to single females but rarely ever pounce on any of them with any true vigor or desire. I've realized that I'm a driven person in many areas; relationships are most assuredly not one of them. I like the idea of relationships much more than relationships themselves. I enjoy other people's happiness in relationship and live a seemingly mundane single-life vicariously through their relational-contentedness.

I get by with some help from romantic comedies and 90's soul music. I find my relational needs met partially via facebook; relational, not romantical' (not a word, fyi). I was recently asked by a set of awesome&beautiful barista's at my local coffee house about what my 'girl-situation' was and what is 'going-on-there.' I really didn't know how to answer their probing questions regarding my love life, or the lack thereof. It's not like they were asking me to solve a mathematical equation-it's just a girl. Right? I guess although it crosses my mind often I've always had a dodging the arrow mentality about the conversation; this time it was more confusion than delusion.

I've watched friend after friend get married. I've seen friend after friend having kids (I didn't witness it, I just know they had a child, that's all I'm saying...) I've also had the not-so-awesome opportunity to witness friend after friend get divorced; the most painful and empty experience I've ever seen someone endure. I've always thought singleness was lonely; its a whole-different type of loneliness that sets in once you've been with someone and then your suddenly, not. I guess it's been so long since I've dated I've somewhat forgot what it felt like to be with anyone; I've become seemingly comfortable with this concept of singleness. Not content, but comfortable nonetheless.


So, I'm working diligently to bust out of this shell I've been in for so long. Shedding off multiple layers of selfishness; attempting vigorously and fighting militantly to overcome my drastic imperfections and settle mentally with my shortcomings and somehow embrace them. It's not easy building up the courage to make yourself vulnerable; put yourself out there to be knocked out. However, if you don't fight, you can't win. It reminds me of a childhood friends dad and how often he talked and dreamed about winning the lottery; funniest part was the fact the man had never, and would never buy a lottery ticket. I will keep on striving towards companionship on a deeper level and focus a wee-bit more on being less selfish; I think that's a step in the right direction. SUGGESTIONS-WELCOME.