Fake it Til You Make it; or break it

I've been worn thin lately, by layers and layers of false-promises and empty-deeds. It's not some new state of being; I've felt like this for a while now. Felt like despite my efforts I can't break through the layers and layers of distance between myself and those around me. I'm sure it's a demographic issue at times, being a single 25 yr old guy isn't the easiest relational patch to fix.

I've always been told I have unrealistic expectations in my friendships; like what, being there? My best friends from college haven't returned a call in God knows how long. For what reasons? Maybe I'm embittered by the happiness I see around me sometimes; everyone going on with their lives, families, careers, etc. Their purpose unfolds in front of me, while mine often seems vain and undecided. I know that it's in vain to write such a downtrodden letter of mischief and denial, but in all honesty, sometimes it's the only release I can find.

I feel like since leaving Oregon I've struggled to really find anything close the companionshipI once had. Was that merely college pals or was it a difference in culture? Was it a different 'me?' Often times I look into the mirror and wonder what happened along the way that left me feeling so lonely and unaccomplished.

Their aren't enough good deeds, their isn't enough money, and not enough time to try to falsely convince myself that I'm content. Granted, through prayer and petition, hard work and diligence, I'll find contentedness and happiness in their rightful places; It's just a long journey and I often lose heart.