Positive Pessimism

In the dim light of life's success we find ourselves swallowed up in the shadows of inadequacy. Our constant and painfully consistent inability to perform at our cultures demanded-level not only leaves us bewildered, but down-right disillusioned. The ramped search for an antidote to this culturally-drowning plague is coming up empty, time after time.

I'm just realizing that after a year of serious involvement in multiple leadership positions at my college and a major automobile accident that my 'ability' to perform is minimal, and thus is my confidence. This lack of 'getting-it-done' has caused my character to retreat and what's left of my pride to crawl up and die. The funny thing is, I thought I never cared about performance.

From a young age my loving father Jon M. Strength (R.I.P. 1944-2001) showed me the necessity of hard work, the essentialness of perseverance, and that love could conquer all things. When he wasn't working two forty-plus-hour a week jobs, he was with us kids. He would take us to a park or on a drive and just talk with us; spend time with us. This 'love' he had for me was utterly-unconditional, my performance never directed the outcome; his love for me was not only unswerving, but ultimately unchanging.

At twenty-two years old, a mere-year away from completing my bachelors degree life has, in this past year, both chewed me up and spit me out. I am slowing beginning to realize that it's not the approach to life that makes the difference; it’s the attitude. It's not the method in which is used, but more so the mentality going into it. I failed for years at seeing life as a contest, this performance mentality had me wrapped up like a birthday present. Now, in this newly found freedom I am being forced to shake myself from the conceptual bondage of viewing life as a performance.

Hello world,

Apparently this isn’t a game show, and regardless of how many answers I get right I'll probably not get a check, and if I did, it would likely bounce, so yeah, nice to meet ya'. I think I'll be here for a long while, poking and prodding into a multiplicity of interesting endeavors If you so wish, toss a few storms my way, I'll weather em'. The 'Old Ben', constantly burdened by the crushing force of this sick and twisted thing that I once thought was life, he won't be back, however, in his place is a new and significantly improved 'New Ben'. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, if God is with me who can stand against me? *silence* That's what I figured.